How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure

He keeps calling me deeper.

It’s the theme of this season, I think. I find myself fixated on one longing in my heart. Thinking if I could just attain that one thing, God. If you could just give me this- I know I’d be satisfied. I know I’d be full. I crave. I beg. I pray for.

Lately I’ve stopped talking as much and actually heard myself. I heard myself begging and asked “who am I?” I like to ask myself that question every once in a while. To think through who I want to be and lay it next to who I am. As I’ve sat back and thought through these things I can hear much more clearly the Spirit in me. He leads me along this winding path, like Alice in Alice in Wonderland following the little white rabbit through the woods. Piece by piece I start to see this whole different picture.

He has more for me than this one thing I long for.

Oh- not that He is some disengaged King on His throne always withholding the desires of my heart. His plans for me are actually much bigger than a single longing in my heart. Much more intricately woven into this great story, personally designed to meet my deepest needs in ways I can’t fathom, beautifully radiantly glorifying Him each step of the way. It’s much better than the story I long for, with a God that resembles more of a genie granting wishes than a best friend that walks with me.

I’m finding He calls me to things much bigger than myself. It is scary and a lot of days I tell Him how scared I am. How I’d rather ball up in a corner than face what He brings my way. His calling on my daily life scares me. But He keeps meeting me, in ways I can’t fully explain. Like a lover that knows you in the deepest of ways, He whispers so gently- I have so much for you. In songs, words, conversations- He continually speaks this truth over me. I have so much for you- and I won’t stop calling you. Pursuing me relentlessly, He calls me deeper. Calls me to let Him direct my paths, to let Him guide me to the more He has.

I’m grateful to be loved so deeply that He never stops pursing me. I feel unable to fulfill what He calls me to but I know He is able and He is good. Today, I thank Him that He knows me better than I know myself. He meets me where I am and reminds me of how great His plans are. I let myself lean back and the peace of this truth wash over me: He has so much for me.

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Blessed to be His.

Jesus has been so kind to me. I find my mind coming back to this on the hard days. Like a small child following the little flying bug, as I pray and search for God, I find my little head twisting and turning at the glimpses of all the good things God has brought to me. I stare deeply and intently, hoping they will settle somewhere deep within. Settle somewhere I can fully inspect in awe and wonder, somewhere I can fully lose myself in the glory of His goodness.

This world is dark, cold and empty. It offers little to keep warm, bandage wounds, and lift us up. It is confusing and hard. Full of brokenness.

Jesus- he is good. He chooses us when we are nothing worth choosing. He takes us in when we are turned around and inside out. He does the greatest thing- loves us right in that place. He doesn’t ask us to figure things out before coming to him or to have it all together. He says simply to come. And in coming, he gives kindness upon kindness, mercy upon mercy, grace upon grace. He walks the sometimes painful journey with us, gently guiding us through life on this side of heaven, and teaching us what it means to be his child. I am so richly blessed to be called his and his I will forever be.



the daughter of a King who

is not moved

by the world,

for my God

is with me &

goes before me.

I do not fear

because I am



(The above italicized words are not my own. I found them on pinterest and keep them displayed on my phone. I think they are wonderful.)

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“God’s redemption of _________ began long before he/she could prove worthy. It began when he/she was just a baby! There was no merit, no qualification; only the nearness and goodness of God.”
(From the reading plan on Youversion bible app, She read truth: Fresh Start)

Redemption– the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil

I keep reading those sentences over and over, carefully placing my name in the blank. The devotional is actually speaking about Moses and how God orchestrated his life so intricately. Even still, I can’t help but try my name on for size.

God began redeeming me, saving me way before I could even try to be worthy. I didn’t suddenly meet his qualifications- He just sought me. He sought me from the day of birth. He sought me to be His long ago.

Praise God. We are not floating out here alone.

Chosen before birth, each step of life ordained by the King, sweetly redeemed and made more like him daily.

God’s redemption of Julie began long before she could prove worthy.

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First date

Coming back here feels something like going to your parent’s for the first time after moving out into your very own place. I don’t mean going to college- but that being on your very own first place. I’ve been gone for SO long it seems and made my home elsewhere but there’s still something comfortable and home-like here. Something I need and will always need, much like parents. I know it sounds dramatic and I almost roll my eyes myself, so feel free to do so.

It has been busy! I can’t believe I’ve already been out of school for so long, working a new job for 6 months and it’s 2013. I don’t know how time passed that quickly but somehow it did and we are here.

I love my new job. I love the people I work with and the opportunities I have. My job has been challenging. I’m still trying to figure out what I think about the world, people, God and my faith so I think that’s where most of the difficulties are rooted. Some days I want to pull my hair out… or scream… but even on those days I’ll stay late at work if I need to. I don’t remember really feeling that way about too many other jobs so I think that says I like it. I feel so very certain this job was made for me. Held for me. Too many crazy things happened with people they tried to hire before me not to think it wasn’t designed- and held, specifically for me. I take that with great responsibility- and excitement. After all, I prayed for a job that I would love since I left the last one. I’d be crazy to think God didn’t hear all those prayers.

I’m feeling more grown up. I have opinions about politics. I have a real operating budget. I have a retirement savings plan for crying out loud. I’m still growing and it’s mostly fun.

I’m trying to get myself writing again. I know it helps me sort things out and I could use some help sorting things out (always). I’ll get back to my shorter posts and more organized writing… hopefully. This is like a first date [after breaking up and getting back together] though so cut me some slack. (Trust me on that analogy)

I hope you and yours are well. Whatever friends (or family) are still reading this little corner of my world, I pinky promise- these posts will be back in tip-top shape soon.






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That one where I compare myself to a house.

I have always been a sensitive person. On Myers-Briggs personality test I am a strong S (sensing) and F (feeling), which if you know nothing about Myers-Briggs this means absolutely nothing to you. (Click here and you can find out your personality type- & mine in the process!)

Anyways, I am highly in tune with how I feel. I react and act based on feelings. I can be quite impulsive- sometimes to my detriment. If I feel unsettled about something I lose sleep and my ability to focus until I address the unsettled-ness I feel. Often times THAT’S what leads me to be impulsive. My emotions (almost) always surface and rarely dissipate without making some affect.

I am moved rather quickly and strongly. Things hit me out of the blue and I find myself overtaken, needing to feel the emotion fully before I can move forward.  This might mean So You Think You Can Dance makes me cry…. It’s not a sad show. I just get so happy for the people on it because I know their dreams are coming true. Dreams coming true pull at my heart strings, even if I don’t know you at all.

I’m rambling and really that is all this post is- a complete ramble.

The older I get the more self-aware I become. I think it is my profession’s teachings that you need to understand yourself to best help people that have grown my self-awareness- or it could simply be growing up. Regardless of what it is, I know that when I feel something- I feel it strongly and deeply.

I am also learning that this can make my actions/me/my life/my world very… chaotic. I’ve yet to learn the correct balance of feeling fully and knowing (and controlling) when/how they should or should not effect me. I believe whole heartedly that Jesus designs us so intricately and uniquely us for a reason. I by no means want to push the delete button on this piece of me, this part of me that He designed so wonderfully and fearfully. I think the magnitude that I feel and sense my emotions- and especially others’, is a blessing and a gift.

At the same time, I do not think Jesus wants us to be controlled by or directed solely by what we feel. I’m learning. I’m taking deep breathes and big gulps as I continue to understand what makes me- me.

Because of my favorite book (Cold Tangerines), I think of myself  like a big, beautiful old house- full of character. I have beauty and grace in my age and design but there might be cracks in the wooden floor, walls to be re-painted, and things to be made new. I then imagine God loving me fully in all my brokenness, all my not-yet-made-perfect. In all my chaos I create, in all my emotions that make me crazy, I believe He steps in, walks around and says, “I love this house just the way it is.”  I believe Jesus loves us with that kind of love.

The more I learn about myself, the more I press into and wrap that love around me. I am not yet all I hope to be but I am fully loved and accepted just as I am by the One who knows me completely. That’s enough to keep me moving forward.

May that same love wrap you up, giving you the freedom to breathe deep  as the floor cracks and the paint chips. Let Jesus’ righteousness cover you whole and His love hold you up. It’s the best way to live this side of heaven.

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My favorite day.

When I see friends, family, or family friends- they all smile big and are quick to congratulate me, usually adding a comment about how great it must feel. I can tell you with every fiber of my being- it feels good. I’ve walked across a stage three times now to receive a diploma and this last one- oh, it was the most special one. I sat in excitement waiting for my turn. I smiled, looked around, and was ready. The Dean asked us to rise to confer our degree and I jumped up, big grin on my face, clapped, and cheered like I’d won the lottery. Heck yes, baby, I am graduating with my MASTERS. It was good. Very good.

I don’t know if its because I’m older and understand people are busy but each person- forever friends, family, and forever friends’ significant others, each one’s presence meant SO much. I felt so loved, supported and cared for by a whole bunch of great people. I can’t help but marvel at how many people made a point to celebrate with me! I am so loved!

Jesus carried me through to the very end. I knew he would. As always, he is so very faithful. After overcoming some initial discomfort with the lack of things to do, I’m settling into this post-graduate life. I am applying for jobs and holding my hands open, expectant that Jesus will continue to carry me right into the next season!

Thank you, family and friends, for supporting me through this past crazy, stressful season! <3 you.


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Finally responding.

So, my Allye girl tagged me in a little blogger thingy forever ago. Because I love her and lets face it- I love blogging, I’m jumping on the bandwagon. Yee-haw!… or something like that.
The Rules
1. You must post the rules.
2. Post 11 fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then
create 11 new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4. Tag 4 people and link them on your post
5. Let them know you’ve tagged them!
11 Fun Facts About Me (which is going to be HARD)
1. I love old people. If you know me really at all, you are probably well aware of this. But because so few people get excited about going to a nursing home or listening to a grey-haired person go on and on, I call it one of my fun facts: I LOVE old people. I pick talking to an old person over a child 99.9999999% of the time. Here’s one of my absolute favorites:
2.  I feel like I can conquer the world when I’m wearing a pair of heels. I’m a shoe person and have more shoes than I will admit but those heels! Girl. I don’t know what it is but they have my heart.
3. Journaling is my stress reliever, my processing, my prayer life. This may not be an interesting fact but I’ve done it since I was in 6th grade and I have probably at least a dozen journals full of my thoughts and prayers. Picking out a new journal is probably one of my favorite things.
4. I hit my snooze button for at least 30 minutes every time I wake up to my alarm.
5. I don’t leave home without this, ever:
6.  I’ve recently become obsessed with always having my finger nails painted.. right now, my favorite nail color is this orangey-peach, which is a surprising choice.
7. I like to say “oh honey”, “You aint neva lied”, “girl child please” and really anything else, just to make my friends (like Allye) laugh. Then when they laugh- it eggs me on and before you know it I’ve taken on this whole different personality.
8. I really love Tyler Perry’s Madea movies. I think you either hate them or love them- and I am definitely the latter. Diary of a Mad Black Woman is my fave!
9. I strongly dislike doing anything alone. I love to have people around me always. We don’t have to be talking, but I appreciate having someone sit in the same room as me.
10. Chai Tea Lattes are my favorite drink ever. I can’t have them anytime after 7pm though- if I want to sleep.
11. My most favorite fact: I’m graduating with my Master’s on Saturday. It is only by Jesus’ grace and strength that I am walking across that stage. I am proudly grabbing that diploma!
Now for Allye’s questions:
1. What is the most interesting thing you have ever done?
Hands down: swimming with & riding a dolphin.
2. What are your favorite blogs?
3. Who do you look up to and admire, why?
The married couple I live with because their continued unrestricted hospitality is how I want to be when I have a home (or anything) to share. It is incredible and a true representation of Jesus.
4. If you had to eat at the same restaurant every day, where would it be?
I think Chuys. Mexican food & margaritas. I blame my love for both of those things on my family.
5. What is your most valued possession?
Probably my car because it gets me everywhere I need to be.
6. If you could tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?
Hold your hands open to Jesus and let him guide you. Don’t worry about anyone else- just him.
7. What is your favorite childhood memory?
Picnics on blankets in the backyard, making my parents lay next to me until I fell asleep each night, pretending my childhood best friend and I were twins to everyone we met, family bike rides after dinner… and many more but that’s enough!:)
8. What is your biggest pet peeve?
When people are really inconsiderate of others.
9. What is your favorite photo that you have taken? Post it!
I’m really not a photographer but instagram fools me into thinking I’m awesome at it. Although this one is kind of blurry, I like it because its cute & yummy. Absolute favorite? Probably not but I like it.
10. What is your favorite food? ICE CREAM
11. What are three things you want to do/accomplish before you die?
  1. Grad school.(CHECK)
  2. Find the perfect job for me.
  3. Get married & have babies. (sue me- its technically 4)

TAG: You’re it to do this next!

1. Glynis

2. Krista

3. Allison R.

4. Anyone who wants to! (lame, but I don’t care)

(If you made it to the end of this- BRAVO!)


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