I have stayed up past midnight almost every night of my Christmas vacation. The past few nights I’ve stayed up until at least 2. I’m glad I’m still able to stay up that late. Being out of college hasn’t completely changed me! I’m so glad!

I love Christmas. I love the coming home, being with family, and seeing friends you don’t normally get to see. I try to put all my energy into being with these special people over holidays. I let things like sleep slide and other little, seemingly less important things go. I am so thankful the Lord has given me a wonderful family and precious friends that make coming home so good. Plus, I was fortunate enough this Christmas to get to go visit one of my very best friends. It was so wonderful to get to hang out with her that I wanted to cry getting on the plane to come home. I’m thankful we are able to stay such good friends even though we live so far away! What a blessing!

My cup is full tonight. As cheesy as it sounds, I can’t describe it any other way. I feel overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the Savior. It is a sweet place to be and I am thankful I’m not anywhere else. There’s so much I’d love to expand on here but I think I’ll leave it for right now. I love the Lord who sent His son as a baby to save us. His ways are so perfect. He is so good.

Wishing you and yours a heart fulfilling, overwhelmingly good Christmas.

XOXO

I’ve had all these little one liner things to say but haven’t wanted to bombard facebook with statuses or tweets. So… what better place than a post?? Here are some “tid-bits” as of late.

I have become obsessed with boots and how warm they keep my feet. I never knew they were so comfy and wonderful!

I’m actually- slowly, starting to love this season of life. God is so good.

Today I got two walmart shopping carts FULL of stuff all in my car. (minus the actual shopping carts) I’m so proud of the Fit!

I love roommate night and how much they all make me laugh! Best roommates 2009-2010.

I went to a mission trip meeting Sunday about going to Indonesia. I really want to go- if I can.

I’ve really been wanting to go to grad school for a few days now. A record time for having my mind set on one thing? Yes. I really want to go next fall.

In less than 2 weeks I get to spend 4 days with my best friend and I am SO excited! I can’t wait for some best friend time!

I’m ready. Ready for anything. and everything.

I put on two different socks today on purpose because I felt like it was a funny secret I was keeping. (I realize its not funny or a big deal but somehow it felt like it was)

K, I think thats it for now. Thanks for letting me document all the things spilling out of my head… and for reading them.

XOXO

I’m trying to work on my grad school applications and already- after 15 minutes, I am distracted and don’t know what to say. One app asks me to discuss a social problem and an ethical issue I’ve encountered. I can think of the ethical issue but the social problem? Ummm…. ?? Its bad that I can’t think of one “of interest” to me. I know they’re there… I just can’t think of one off the top of my head.

Today I was reminded of why I like helping people. I like those moments. This sweet client of mine was telling me how he fought in the Vietnam war. He started crying.. it was so sad. He kept saying “I’ve been through hell and back”. I wanted to hug him. (I resisted because I’ve had too many creepy older men encounters lately and I don’t want to send ANY signals). I wanted to show him the resilient man I saw sitting in front of me. He was held captive there for 6 weeks in a cage the size of a mini-fridge. He kept crying and telling me war stories- simply because I’m one of the few people that can understand him due to a stroke. It was a privilege to listen.

This is why I love older people: most have been “through hell and back” and despite it all still sit in front of  me fighting to keep living and improving and getting better. Such wisdom and strength in those eyes. I think this is why I am drawn to social work- and people who have been through hard, heavy stuff. They inspire me. They are legit. I am amazed…. and heartbroken. AND thankful. Amazed at their resilience and strength. Heartbroken because a lot of my clients are dealing with hard stuff and are so burdened by it all. Most don’t know the saving grace and redemption of the Savior. Thankful- because I am saved and know my Lord carries my burdens for me. Wars, deaths- and whatever else may come my way in this life- Christ will heal, save, and sustain me. What a beautiful Savior!

I’m thankful I get to meet so many people with different backgrounds and stories. Sometimes I laugh (not in their face) about the crazy things they say and/or do. But I really am thankful to get to know them. Maybe I picked the right profession after all!

XOXO

I was thinking about faith the other day. It has always been a word that sounds so fluffy to me. I realize thats a little crazy considering everything the bible says about faith. But the Christian world has always sugar coated it to me to look so sweet and easy. The fact that few things in my life have really shaken this “sweet” idea of faith doesn’t really help either. Well, I take that back.. it has been shaken before. Anyways- thats not the point, point is- I’m beginning to see how dirty faith is. By dirty I mean, requires work– hard, grungy, scrubbing a bathroom floor that hasn’t been cleaned in 20 years work. Its not just cute little sayings or artwork to decorate a house with. Its rough. I think the Christian decor that has the word faith in it shouldn’t look so sweet and innocent. They should be darker and not so frilly. Just my opinion.

Anyways, I’m seeing more clearly it takes effort to have faith. It takes courage and surrender. It takes trust and love. It’s not always smiles and joy to have faith. Some days its getting out of bed when you don’t want to, telling God- and yourself, you trust His ways to be better than your own. Some days its asking and questioning at his feet but still moving forward. Faith is what gets you up off the ground when you’ve been hit hard. No verse sums it up better than Hebrews 11:1- Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. There are no flowers or bright colors in that. It’s ultimate belief. Its leaning on something you may not see clearly or even at all but somehow trust is there.

How anyone has this kind of faith, I have no idea but by the grace of God. Another thing I’m becoming familiar with- the saving grace of my savior. I think understanding even a piece of His grace is part of what keeps me holding on in faith.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.”  Psalm 84:10

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18

“⁵For you, O Lord, are my hope,
my trust, O LORD, from my youth.
⁶Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
you are he who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.” Psalms 71:5-6

“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death.” Psalms 68: 19-20

“But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.” Psalms 71:14-15

I cannot even begin to tell you how strongly these verses resonate within me. How truly sweet it is to be loved by Him. Praise be to God, the maker of heaven and earth!

Allye asked me the other night to write a post about ten things I’m thankful for so I’m going to. I love doing stuff like this and now seems like a good time to.

1. The Lord’s faithfulness and love for me. I am so thankful I can rest in him no matter what happens. He loves me and will always always always be faithful. I love him so much! Psalms 71:5- For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.

2. All of my roommates and my mom. They have taken care of me this past week as I’ve pitifully laid on the couch each day. From bringing me a trash can when I need it, a sonic drink to cheer me up, and always asking if I need anything- they are all amazing! My mom even came up for a night and cleaned things and bought me food. I am so blessed!

3. My job. Thankfully, although I didn’t go to work all week- I still will get paid for most of last week. Thanks to having a real job with real sick days! I will still be able to make my car payment and my rent- and pay for anything I need. Thank you Lord for a good full-time job!

4. The Lord’s word (my bible). It has brought me so much hope and peace during this season. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am to be able to pick up my bible whenever I need to and find whatever words I need to hear to carry me through.

5.  Veteran’s Day. I am thankful for Veterans and their service to our country. Also, for them having their own day because I get the day off to celebrate them! Celebrate I will!

6. Health insurance. I’m going back to the doctor tomorrow because I’m still not better. I’m thankful because I have health insurance I don’t have to stress about going to the doctor again- and hopefully paying for some prescription meds.

7. More mature, wiser, godly people the Lord has placed in my life. I’m so thankful they are there especially during this season. Their love, support and prayers are such a blessing.

8. Change. As hard and painful as it can be for me, I know it is so good. Change allows room for new opportunities, growth and better things. The actual change isn’t so awesome but what follows I trust is worth it! Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

9. Hope.  Psalms 71:14-15  But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.

10.  Brokenness. Hosea 2:14-15 “Therefore I am no going to allure her, I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth… in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘my husband’ “.

I hope my posts aren’t super depressing right now. I don’t mean for them to be. I hope the hope and love I have in Christ amidst the trials and brokenness shines brighter. He is so good.

BTW, you should probably make a list of 10 things you’re thankful for too!

XOXOXO

Expectations. I’ve been thinking about these and what mine are. I put expectations on everything. I have expectations for how my life should go. I have expectations for how people should treat me. I’ve been wondering whats the difference between expectations and standards. I think expectations set standards and that isn’t always bad. I mean- I think it isn’t bad for us to defend ourselves and push ourselves to be better through our standards. This is where it gets blurry for me though. See- I expect to be generally happy in life, so if I’m not- I look for ways to change what I’m doing to become happier. Not a bad thing, right? But- my standard for my life is happiness. Something in me says wait a second, can I really set that standard for my life? Can I really expect that? Christ doesn’t promise me happiness every day of my life. He promises joy in Him- but not happiness.

I keep realizing all these different expectations and standards I’ve put on my life. Its no wonder why I am discontented. How interesting it is to have the Lord pull at the roots of you. Here are some things I can expect:

Christ will always work for my good according to what He has called me to.

God will never leave or forsake me.

He is faithful, always and forever.

God is always good.

It is for freedom he set us free.

I’m going to work on freeing myself of my expectations and lining them up with Christ’s promises.

On a less serious note- if a doctor tells you you’re just going to have to “ride out” the flu with no prescription meds, go ahead and punch him in the face right then. You may not feel the need to at the moment but when you’re still knocked out on the couch 3 days later, you’ll be glad you did.

(please forgive me for the last paragraph, Lord and readers. I blame it on all the tv i’ve watched this week)

XOXO

This week has been so weird. I feel like its a strange dream. I think I’ve expressed every emotion possible in the past few days. I hope life stops feeling so surreal soon. I don’t like this.

I decided today I’m going to switch positions at my job. I’m nervous and excited. I’m going to miss working with some of my clients. I’m afraid I won’t like this job either though. Trusting Him.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my calling lately. I have no idea what the big picture “calling” is on my life. I wish I did. But I’m becoming okay with not knowing. I think Christ is always calling us to something. Sometimes- as I’m finding, its a lot simpler than we think. I like that too. I need simple in my life right now. I don’t think I could take anything complex and I know God understands that about me. He’s so good. I hope you know that. I don’t always trust that He is but He is. Anyways, my good God is calling me to rest in Him and wait on Him. How I know this? I don’t know. What I do know is I was really praying and thinking about what I feel called to right now and thats all I could think about. How sweet is it to realize the love of the Father? He knows what I need and calls me to it. The Lord knows this is not an easy call for me either- regardless of how simple it is. But I know my God is a God who provides and I’m proclaiming his truths in the face of my trials. With Him as my refuge and fortress, I will not be shaken. What a beautiful savior.  I love him so much.

There’s so much going on in my head lately. Its spilling out everywhere and I can’t help it. So, enjoy the surplus of posts for a little while. k, i’m going.

XOXO

I love at least one cup of tea every morning

I love doing flirty girl fitness with my roommate.

I love that I had a client sing a love song to me today.

I love that after my client sang a love song to me and I was walking to my car, I ran into Santa on a power scooter and he asked me for money.(I gave him money and asked if I could get a new bike for Christmas.)

I love that I have the most comfortable bed in the world and it takes up my entire room.

I love that I got a raise Friday! After 5 months!!

I love that I’m getting to see my best friend in December! And one of my dear friends is coming with me!

I love watching Glee 2-3xs, and not on purpose, just every time someone in the house watches it.

I love shopping and its a problem. I can’t stop.

I love when I find I actually have hidden His words in my heart.

I love cooking for others.

I love the people I work with because they’re crazy, seriously.

I love that when I call my clients that have already moved out- they tell me they miss me and are glad I called.

I love that I got a thank you note from a client this week… with a cute turtle on it.

I love seeing how the Lord is (and has) watching over me.

I love being with people pretty much all the time.

I hate getting up early.

I hate crying, cause once I start- I can’t stop.

I hate caring so much about everything and everyone.

I hate not wanting to be somewhere but not knowing where to go.

I hate not knowing.

I hate working everyday.

I’m glad there are so many more loves… although I left a few hates off… I still think they wouldn’t compare. thankfully. some days you just have to prove to yourself there are so many more “loves”. todays one of those days…

happier posts will come. give me a little more time, faithful readers.

Sometimes I just feel like writing and I apologize in advanced because that time has come. All the diaries and journals I’ve kept my whole life have made me this way. Buying a new journal is even a treat for me. Is that weird? I don’t think so.

I’m glad today. And by glad I don’t mean it’s been a super good day and that everything that normally weighs on my heart is magically gone. It’s not. I’m still fighting and struggling through all the changes in my life. I am not thrilled to be at my job but have no idea what I want to do. But, all that heavy stuff is not what I’m meaning to gone on about. I am glad because I’m realizing how its pushing me to the Lord. Multiple times a day, I have to stop and remind myself of things like- “He will never forsake me”, “He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and have been called to his purpose”, “Consider it pure joy when you face trials of any kind because it produces perseverance…”; “Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess for He who promised is faithful”,”Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you”, “He takes hold of my right hand and tells me He will help me” (Its in Isaiah 51, I think). There are several verses that He reminds me of for those moments. Some moments all I can say is “I choose to trust you. Help me, Lord, Help me.” or “I need you, I need you, I need you”.

Now I don’t mean to be all dramatic… I guess it is coming out that way. I just know me. I know when things are good- there’s no hesitation when getting out of bed t0 stop and ask the Lord to help me today.  I know my nature. I know for me- brokenness is necessary. It reminds me I can’t do it. Brokenness allows rooms for growth. I’m not graceful in the breaking part by any means. But- I’m thankful the Lord uses these times to mold me to look more like the woman He created me to be. I’m thankful I can look to him knowing I don’t have the strength but He does. Brokenness reminds me how much I need a Savior.

Thank you, my Lord, that you have saved me. Thank you that you continue to be my hope and my rescue. I love you.