Sing me a song thats good for my soul

So I have a secret blog somewhere. I realize it sounds a little crazy to admit this… and to actually have one. The Lord has blessed me with some sweet friends and good people in my life that it really is not necessary. So, I’m trying to pull myself away from it and start writing more like that blog on here and sharing more of my life with others. In my first step to let go of my secret blogging- I’m posting my most recent post from there here.  So brace your self and get ready to read a post thats a little more raw than usual. If I learned one thing this summer, I learned its okay to be myself- fully and unashamedly. So here you go…

I wish there was someone I could bare my entire soul to. I wish I could let go of all the pieces and lay them out before someone. I want to share my struggles, heart’s desires, and deepest thoughts. Not just to anyone but to someone who will love me for it and bring me to where I need to be- the Lord’s throne. Someone that will tell me its okay, Christ understands and is here to catch me. I want someone to remind me of His forgiveness and grace. I want someone to tell me they’re proud and I’m fighting a good fight- to tell me to keep going. I want someone to say sincerely and genuinely I am a beautiful, wonderful person. And because they know it all, it will mean the most. I think Christ programs us for this kind of friendship and community. I believe it is one of the hardest things in life Christ calls us to… but also one of the most beautiful things about life.

We’re so imperfect. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever live the beautiful life Christ intended for us to have. I know Christ died so we could experience/create/some word I can’t think of- His kingdom here on earth. But when I look at how much is broken in the world I am seriously doubtful. Yes, there are glimmers of his beauty, restoration and grace- but so much is broken, so much is so far from how it was intended to be. It is depressing to me and makes my heart ache for eternity with my King. I recognize how short I fall and how nothing is enough. I see how everyone feels this emptiness and I see the effects of it everywhere. I see the pain and hurt we’ve created. I see how we’ve tried to bandage ourselves up with anything we can. We are seriously a broken people- in need of something more. We need more to live for; we need redemption. We need something that is worth fighting for. We need unconditional love, patience, grace, and forgiveness. Wow, we need lots of forgiveness. I need forgiveness. We need to know there is more than this- that this isn’t all there is to life. I need to know that this broken life isn’t how it was intended and one day, because I believe and trust in a perfect Savior, I will be able to experience the way it was intended. No more of this brokenness within me that I just can’t shake. No more fighting with myself to be better and enough. No more struggling with the pain and hurt this world throws at you. Everything will be made perfect. Everything will be restored to the way the Lord intended it to be- righteous, holy, deep, soul wrenching good. I need the hope of this restoration to make it through the brokenness of today. 

So let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, yet was without sin. Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need.

Hebrews 4: 14-16 (paraphrased kind of)