Saturdays are my new found love.

Recipe for the best Saturday:

1. Not getting out of your PJs until at least noon.

2. Accomplishing at least one productive thing, such as laundry, dishes or grocery shopping.

3. Doing something you love by yourself. For me this means reading, shopping, or for today its painting! I’m not good at it, but something about it is good for my soul. Wanna see what I painted today?? Okay, don’t judge me.

4. No make-up and comfy clothes- during the day at least.

5. Eating at weird times… just because you can. Time doesn’t matter on Saturdays.

6.  Doing something fun at night with friends- like going to dinner or to see a moive. (we live in central texas. really, what other option do you have?)

Whats your favorite mix for the perfect Saturday??

XOXO

Grad school, Schmad school

So I’m working on my grad school essays…. again. They never seem to end. BUT this one I’m working on right now is much more extensive than the other ones. Its my essay for University of Denver.  I’m having a hard time answering this question…

Discuss how your life experiences have shaped you for a career in social work. How have your personal experiences prepared you to work with human and social problems? How have your family and other experiences contributed to who you are today?

K, I want to just write MY SAVIOR. JESUS. Just like that. How can I even be in the field of social work without him? And I am who I am because of Him. He has created me with compassion and love for his people; it only stems out of my great love for him, which he also gave me. How can I extended grace and serve others without my Savior? Christ has prepared me. My everyday with him continues to prepare me to work with human and social problems. I cannot deal with them on my own. They tear me up, seriously. heavy, weighty stuff. I need my God. He is my everything. He has made me and designed me, and I believe for social work. The family he has gifted me with, has taught me true love, hard love- unconditional love. They have raised me to rest in my Father’s arms. They have raised me to trust and know this Savior. This Savior is where my identity is found. He is who I am. I cannot explain the love for people he has put in my heart. It just started growing and before I knew it, I was wishing it hadn’t. Loving people is not always easy. But as He has shown me- there is such beauty in people. We are all so unique and different; each with our own stories- unlike anyone else’s in the world. They are all interesting to me…. and I don’t know why.

I can’t think of specific experiences that have made me who I am or that have shaped me for a career in social work. My whole life I think I’ve been continually, slowly shaped and molded. No big thing has happened to me where I look back and know- that is what prepared me for this. He is who prepared me. He is who made me who I am today.

I know that sounds cheesy, but… I mean it. wholeheartedly. And I have no idea how I’m going to answer this question…

Hope

I want to be a wife. Confession: If I’ve ever told you otherwise, I was totally lying. I long to love someone so deeply and wholly- and to be loved so in return. Sure, it freaks me out when I really think about it but truth is I can’t wait to love the person designed for me with that kind of true love- and that far overpowers the fear.

I want to be a mom. When I walk by the kid section at Target I can’t help but gaze at the cute little girl dresses. Sometimes I even chuckle and let out an “Awe!”. I just can’t help it. I cannot wait to have an adorable blonde haired, blue eyed baby. (of course I’m assuming thats what they will look like but I’m thinking its likely)

I want to be an awesomely amazing cook. Sure, this one is a little less..confessional and seems like maybe I just picked it so that I could have 3. BUT I really love to make something delicious. Unfortunately I have a tendency to burn pans, forget to add important ingredients, and somehow break plates in microwaves. I would like to improve though because I love successfully making something tasty AND being able to share it with others.

I have so many dreams folded and tucked into my heart. Some are small and not so life-altering. Others are so deep and personal I’m hesitant to share them with anyone, nonetheless here. Some are even wee-little-dreams and I don’t have a clue how big or small they’ll become.

One thing I’m learning as the Lord molds my dreams is that He knows the desires of my heart. He knows what stirs my soul. He knows all my dreams- past, present and future. Not only does he know me in and out, He satisfies. He fulfills. He opens his hands and satisfies the desires of every living thing (Ps. 145:16). I don’t mean God is a magical genie, waiting to grant my every wish. Quite the opposite, He is my master and I am His servant. I do believe that God will satisfy my heart’s desires some way or another. My ways often do not line up with His, so my dreams may never play out how I want them to or feel they should but He will satisfy me some way or another  (Isaiah 55:8).

Because of my Savior, I will always have hope. Even when things seem hopeless, I will trust Him. Maybe not always right away, but I choose to trust My King.

whistling whistler whilst you whistle away? forever??

I love days off. They are fab-u-lous! I also love traveling. In the past 4 months I have gone to Michigan, South Carolina and after Thursday- California!! HOLLA!!!

How do I still have a job? They must be nice people.

Also, we need a new television. Ours keep whistling and it makes me scream “WE NEED A NEW TV!!!!!” every time we watch it. Maybe one of the other 3 TVs we have in the house will have to replace the big dumb whistler. (sorry, theres some hostility I’m working on) seriously though, how does a tv start whistling? its like it got a mind of its own. stupid.

Anyways, this post is pointless. Oopsie. I’m excited to fly to California on Thursday morning! And go to universal on Friday and the beach Saturday! AWESOME. And thankful for the holiday today. 2 day work week- HOLLA! some many hollas…. too much to holla about. yo.

k, xoxoxo

(HOLLA!!!!!!)

I’m a bit terrified.

why you may ask. well, let me tell you.

There is this sweet 54 year old man I have the privilege of buying furniture from for work. He is a kind, light hearted, realllly talkative man. Due to the last thing on that list, I’ve gotten to know a lot more about this man than I ever thought I would. One thing he has been so sweet to share with me is everything about his wife. I never met her or heard of her before him, but she was a spectacular woman. You can see it in the way he talks about her. She cared deeply about children and teaching them (much like this other spectacular woman I know). As he tells me- she changed the way deaf children are taught in the local school system, she supported him in everything- helping him get his business going, and she loved her church and the Lord. She also was diagnosed with cancer years ago. He said she fought hard but eventually it just couldn’t be beat. She had to quit teaching and for about a year he took care of her each day until this past year when she passed away. He very plainly told me when she became sick he simply stayed home- “taking care of her was his priority”. He even told me this Christmas just was going to be hard. As he explained- theres just no way around it.

He was talking to me about her again today and I almost started crying. I know, get it together Julie. But goodness- can you imagine loving someone so much and living day-in and day-out by their side for years and years? Now imagine after all that growing together they’re gone. Just like that, you’re together for years and all the sudden you’re not. AND at the age of 54?! I know, it happens all the time. People die. People get divorces. Things end. But really, can you imagine how painful that is? To truly, deeply love and care for someone so much you want to be with them forever and then not be… together forever.

Now, I know if you were to rate my empathy/compassion toward others on a scale of 10, I’d be like a 20. But that just seems too painful. Too sad. After talking with him, I just wanted to get in my car and cry big crinkled up ugly face sobs. Quiet frankly, I’m terrified to love someone that much. The slice of that pain that I do understand… nu-uh. No thank you.

(Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll get over this and you will- Lord willing, have grandbabies one day.)

I know God works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called to his purpose. I also know, even more important- Christ is the only fulfillment in life. He quenches all brokenness and pain. He restores and makes us whole. Marriage may be the closest thing to the kind of relationship Christ longs to have with us, but it isn’t the relationship. He longs for that relationship with us and we can have it here on earth. Praise be to our Savior, who made a way for us! We never have to worry about losing him. He will never forsake us or leave us. Nothing can separate us from his love. What a beautiful Savior! He will always, always have my heart.

you don’t have to read all of this.

I love writing. I love reflecting when something comes to an end. I love thinking through hard times and seeing how I have changed. I love seeing what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown thru circumstances.

2009 is the perfect year for me to do all of the above. It was a year unlike any other year I have yet to face. In 2009 so many things changed in my life. There were an unbelievable amount of endings and new beginnings! I went from college student to adult, intern to employee, student to licensed social worker, and dating to single. I also became a car owner, rent payer, and obtained my very own health benefits! All those things make me feel so grown up. Weirdest thing is- I think in many ways I have grown up. I’m not completely “grown” by any means but I  have learned a lot.

I’ve become more confident being myself. I lost and found myself. I’ve found sweet fulfillment in Christ. I fought for something harder than I ever have.  I found some things aren’t meant to be fought for– they just aren’t meant to be. I’ve grown as I’ve seen fear affect who I am and what I do. I’ve become weaker and stronger all at the same time. I’ve cried more this year than the year before and many other years of my life. I’ve learned about true joy and the value of it– and the choice it is. I’ve learned about faith and trust in God. I’ve learned and seen more clearly areas of me that are completely broken and not of God. I’ve recognized a stubbornness/hardness in me that is going to take more than just 2009 to break. 2009 has shown me grace in a fresh way though and reminded me His mercies are new every morning; He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I’ve been reminded of my imperfection and learned yet again to accept life as a journey- a work in progress.

Hope, grace and my King’s love have surrounded, washed over, and blown me away this past year. I wish I could share all the ways … but I’m not. To name a few: a broken relationship began the journey to being restored; an unexpected sweet friend has blessed my life and shown me Christ in an incredible way; Christ guided each foot step this past year, especially during the dark hours. I was struck down, but definitely not destroyed.

Some days were so long and hard that I felt I’d never make it thru. I even remember one night having to play worship songs while I fell asleep just for His promises to wash over me. Somehow though, slowly- life has all these bright new possibilities. Seriously- everything looks brighter. It was like one day I was driving and trees looked prettier and more colorful- its really strange. Everything has this new beauty.

Good and bad- I could never be more thankful for each day, each month of this past year.

“My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.”

I’m so excited for 2010. Bring it on.:)

xoxo

Seeking you as a precious jewel, to give up I’d be a fool.

I have stayed up past midnight almost every night of my Christmas vacation. The past few nights I’ve stayed up until at least 2. I’m glad I’m still able to stay up that late. Being out of college hasn’t completely changed me! I’m so glad!

I love Christmas. I love the coming home, being with family, and seeing friends you don’t normally get to see. I try to put all my energy into being with these special people over holidays. I let things like sleep slide and other little, seemingly less important things go. I am so thankful the Lord has given me a wonderful family and precious friends that make coming home so good. Plus, I was fortunate enough this Christmas to get to go visit one of my very best friends. It was so wonderful to get to hang out with her that I wanted to cry getting on the plane to come home. I’m thankful we are able to stay such good friends even though we live so far away! What a blessing!

My cup is full tonight. As cheesy as it sounds, I can’t describe it any other way. I feel overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the Savior. It is a sweet place to be and I am thankful I’m not anywhere else. There’s so much I’d love to expand on here but I think I’ll leave it for right now. I love the Lord who sent His son as a baby to save us. His ways are so perfect. He is so good.

Wishing you and yours a heart fulfilling, overwhelmingly good Christmas.

XOXO

Tid-bits

I’ve had all these little one liner things to say but haven’t wanted to bombard facebook with statuses or tweets. So… what better place than a post?? Here are some “tid-bits” as of late.

I have become obsessed with boots and how warm they keep my feet. I never knew they were so comfy and wonderful!

I’m actually- slowly, starting to love this season of life. God is so good.

Today I got two walmart shopping carts FULL of stuff all in my car. (minus the actual shopping carts) I’m so proud of the Fit!

I love roommate night and how much they all make me laugh! Best roommates 2009-2010.

I went to a mission trip meeting Sunday about going to Indonesia. I really want to go- if I can.

I’ve really been wanting to go to grad school for a few days now. A record time for having my mind set on one thing? Yes. I really want to go next fall.

In less than 2 weeks I get to spend 4 days with my best friend and I am SO excited! I can’t wait for some best friend time!

I’m ready. Ready for anything. and everything.

I put on two different socks today on purpose because I felt like it was a funny secret I was keeping. (I realize its not funny or a big deal but somehow it felt like it was)

K, I think thats it for now. Thanks for letting me document all the things spilling out of my head… and for reading them.

XOXO

War stories

I’m trying to work on my grad school applications and already- after 15 minutes, I am distracted and don’t know what to say. One app asks me to discuss a social problem and an ethical issue I’ve encountered. I can think of the ethical issue but the social problem? Ummm…. ?? Its bad that I can’t think of one “of interest” to me. I know they’re there… I just can’t think of one off the top of my head.

Today I was reminded of why I like helping people. I like those moments. This sweet client of mine was telling me how he fought in the Vietnam war. He started crying.. it was so sad. He kept saying “I’ve been through hell and back”. I wanted to hug him. (I resisted because I’ve had too many creepy older men encounters lately and I don’t want to send ANY signals). I wanted to show him the resilient man I saw sitting in front of me. He was held captive there for 6 weeks in a cage the size of a mini-fridge. He kept crying and telling me war stories- simply because I’m one of the few people that can understand him due to a stroke. It was a privilege to listen.

This is why I love older people: most have been “through hell and back” and despite it all still sit in front of  me fighting to keep living and improving and getting better. Such wisdom and strength in those eyes. I think this is why I am drawn to social work- and people who have been through hard, heavy stuff. They inspire me. They are legit. I am amazed…. and heartbroken. AND thankful. Amazed at their resilience and strength. Heartbroken because a lot of my clients are dealing with hard stuff and are so burdened by it all. Most don’t know the saving grace and redemption of the Savior. Thankful- because I am saved and know my Lord carries my burdens for me. Wars, deaths- and whatever else may come my way in this life- Christ will heal, save, and sustain me. What a beautiful Savior!

I’m thankful I get to meet so many people with different backgrounds and stories. Sometimes I laugh (not in their face) about the crazy things they say and/or do. But I really am thankful to get to know them. Maybe I picked the right profession after all!

XOXO

Faith

I was thinking about faith the other day. It has always been a word that sounds so fluffy to me. I realize thats a little crazy considering everything the bible says about faith. But the Christian world has always sugar coated it to me to look so sweet and easy. The fact that few things in my life have really shaken this “sweet” idea of faith doesn’t really help either. Well, I take that back.. it has been shaken before. Anyways- thats not the point, point is- I’m beginning to see how dirty faith is. By dirty I mean, requires work– hard, grungy, scrubbing a bathroom floor that hasn’t been cleaned in 20 years work. Its not just cute little sayings or artwork to decorate a house with. Its rough. I think the Christian decor that has the word faith in it shouldn’t look so sweet and innocent. They should be darker and not so frilly. Just my opinion.

Anyways, I’m seeing more clearly it takes effort to have faith. It takes courage and surrender. It takes trust and love. It’s not always smiles and joy to have faith. Some days its getting out of bed when you don’t want to, telling God- and yourself, you trust His ways to be better than your own. Some days its asking and questioning at his feet but still moving forward. Faith is what gets you up off the ground when you’ve been hit hard. No verse sums it up better than Hebrews 11:1- Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. There are no flowers or bright colors in that. It’s ultimate belief. Its leaning on something you may not see clearly or even at all but somehow trust is there.

How anyone has this kind of faith, I have no idea but by the grace of God. Another thing I’m becoming familiar with- the saving grace of my savior. I think understanding even a piece of His grace is part of what keeps me holding on in faith.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23